Summer With the Cullens
by Holly-Batali
Summary: The Cullens are at it once again. Road Trips, summer jobs, fish tanks, and summer camp, Bella is once again caught up in the madness. Whether it's hiking or just watching TV, the Cullens have a knack for trouble. And, as usual, she's right in the middle
1. Something Smells Fishy

Summer With the Cullens  
By Holly-Batali

Disclaimer: I don't own the Cullens or anything else Meyer. If you've read Spring With the Cullens, then you'd know that (and you'd also know that I'm sick of writing disclaimers).

Chapter 1: Something Smells Fishy

The first thing that hit me when I walked into the Cullen's front room, after enduring the last day of school, should have been the peace and relaxation of summer break. No homework, no alarm clocks, no spiteful peers. Just me and the Cullens. But nooo. The first thing that hit me was the _smell. _Fish. Not the cooking kind, either. Stinky, very-much-alive fish. In the aquarium.

Oh, yes. They'd sprung for the aquarium. The big, dentist's-office kind of aquarium. Did I ever mention that I hate fish? Having killed so many as pets, I've developed a slight dislike to them.

But no. Everything that concerned the Cullens had to be like a childhood nightmare, constantly coming back to bite me in the butt. Suffice it to say, I'd gotten over my nervousness of vampires and werewolves quite a long time ago.

"...telling you, he's always going to be better. Just get over it, Emmett. You're fish sucks worse than you do." _Ah, good old vampire humor. _Jasper and Emmett walked out onto the front porch, apparently arguing over _fish. _Yes, fish. Of all the things to complain about, fish.

"Oh, hi Bella," they said in unison. Jasper jogged over to me and walked with me up to the house.

"So, Bella, I need your opinion on which fish is better." he said bluntly. "Mine, or Emmett's."

I stopped walked and blinked at him. "Pardon?"

He rolled his eyes impatiently and grabbed my left sleeve, tugging me into the living room to stand in front of the reeking monstrosity. He let go of my sleeve and pointed to a graceful, tropical-looking yellow, blue, and white striped fish. "See him?" said Jasper delightedly. "That's _my _fish. His name is General Lee." He looked extremely proud of his fish and I nodded in mock enthusiasm, trying to ignore the fact that he could read my emotions anyway.

"Yeah," I managed. "Yeah, he's _great. _Wow, that is uh...some fish."

"Pft. That's nothing," said Emmett, coming up behind us. You should see my fish." Emmett pointed to the other side of the tank, where a large, menacing-looking piranha-like thing with fangs was swimming. "That's Sherman," he said, smirking at Jasper, who was now openly sulking.

"Sherman?" Why 'Sherman,' of all names? _Oh. _"Oh, you mean, General Sherman from the Union army who kicked the Confederacy's...um, who won a battle or too against the South?" Close call.

"Yup," said Emmett haughtily. "The same."

"Ohh, boy." I muttered. This was World War Three just _begging _to happen.

* * *

"So, now that school's out, what're you going to do?" I paused at Carlisle' question. It was still a little weird answering normal questions from Carlisle; he'd snapped out of his hippie phase a while ago, but he could still be seen occasionally meditating barefoot on a rock or footstool mumbling "I am one with nature."

"I don't really have any plans yet," I admitted. "Charlie's already spending a lot of time with Billy fishing, but that's about all. Renee wants me to visit soon, but I probably won't go until the end of the summer. How about you guys?" I smirked. "Where's Esme dragging you guys off to this time?"

Carlisle smiled. "So far, nobody knows. She usually decided the night before, or, in last year's case, the day of."

"Wow," I said, awed in spite of myself. "Has she ever considered working with the witness protection program or something?"

Carlisle laughed easily. "Oh, she's kind of 'been there, done that.' She worked with a few Nazi's and KPG's, as well as the usual citizens. She was wanted for a little help with the whole Mao Zedong fiasco, since he was an acquaintance of hers from the forties, but she reclined with a little persuasion from Alice. That's before we moved to Ohio, and when we decided that she really needed a hobby. Hence the architectural rendering," he added, gesturing around the room.

"...Oh."

"So, how's Charlie doing? Is he still taking that medi--"

_"NOOOOO!"_

"What the--" I stopped talking and followed Carlisle into the living room to the source of the disturbance.

"Oh for the love of Bram Stoker," I muttered under my breath. _This is supposed to be a VACATION! I do NOT need a bunch of immature and immortal overgrown teenage VAMPIRES ruining my summer break!_

Jasper kneeled at the base of the fish tank, sobbing (metaphorically of course, what with the whole not-being-able-to-cry thing). Emmett stood behind him, looking a little too gleeful.

"Jasper?" Carlisle asked worriedly. "What happened?"

"G-G-General Leeee!" sobbed Jasper.

"What about General Lee?" asked Carlisle patiently.

"He's deaaad!"

Carlisle rolled his eyes. "Oh for crying out loud," he muttered under his breath. Then, to Jasper, "how did he die, Jazzy?"

"It was HIM!" he yelled maniacally, pointing to the fish tank. Then h broke down in sobs again. "SHERMAN, HOW _COULD _YOU!?"

Carlisle sighed heavily, then he helped Jasper up and guided him towards the stairs. "It's all right Jazzy, we'll get you another fish, how's that?"

"I don't _want _another fish," sniffled Jasper. "I want General Lee!"

Oh yeah, this was the new story of my life. Dealing with a bunch of sentimental vampire twits. Great summer, eh? I was just afraid at what Jasper was going to do when he went into the 'anger stage.'

Two hours later, there was a resounding crash in the living room. The fish tank was shattered, glass and bits of Sherman scattered all over the floor.

As well as a shotgun shell.

* * *

Authors Note: I'm baaaack. Well, Bella's in for a very interesting summer, believe you me. Review please, I'd appreciate some feedback here. Thank you.


	2. Get A Job!

Summer With the Cullens  
By Holly-Batali

Disclaimer: I do not own anything Twilight or Twilight-related. Bella and the Cullens belong to the lovely Stephenie Meyer. Happy?

Chapter Two: Get a Job

"You know, of the many things I planned to do during my summer break, watching you two play _Screeching Tires of Fury XII _for _four hours _wasn't one of them." I waited for a reaction from either Emmett or Edward, but with no luck. They went right on playing, just like they had for the past _four hours. _I would've left by now, but Edward kept dragging me back saying he'd just go one more round and then we'd go do something together. Well, I was still there, and nothing was happening.

"You Know," I said, trying a different tactic. "You guys may have all eternity to wait around and play video games, but I don't. And right now, the human is going to go hang out with Alice and Rosalie, _capiche?_ Anyone? Hello?" I blinked. No one was paying any attention.

This was good. This was very good. Now that I had my cast off of my leg, I could be a little bit more stealthy; well, as stealthy as the world's biggest klutz could get, anyway. I slipped off the couch and creeped from the room on the tips of my toes...

...Until Esme walked into the room.

"You two!" she yelled at the boys, who continued playing. Esme waited expectantly. "Hello? Earth to Edward and Emmett?"

"What now?" asked Emmett, leaning to the left as his car swerved on the television.

"Excuse me? Don't you use that tone with me young man!"

"Jeez, sorry," griped Emmett, not taking his eyes off of the screen. Esme narrowed her eyes and walked over to the TV, leaning around the back. With a yank, she pulled the cords and the television went dark. Ignoring the immediate protests, she strode over to Emmett and Edward and, grabbing them both by the ears, she dragged them into the kitchen. Surprised by the sudden outburst, I followed them.

Esme deposited the two boys at the kitchen table, slamming them into chairs, narrowly avoiding breaking them. She stomped over to the counter and snatched up a pile of papers, bringing them over to the table. She threw them down dramatically on the table and glared at her sons, who were sitting, shell-shocked, in their chairs.

"Now, you listen to me." she hissed venomously. "You are both old enough to have something better to do than playing video games all day. Actually, according to Alice, you've been playing seventy-six hours straight! That is unacceptable, no matter how many 'super-powers' you have. In fact, that's even _more _of a waste because of them.

"Now, here are job applications. I want you all to go through them and find three each; then I want you to apply for all of them and turn them in tomorrow. You're perfectly capable of working, and you _will. _Even Bella has a job, don't you Sweetie?" she softened slightly as the three of them turned to look at me.

"Yes ma'am," I said obediently.

"Is working very hard?" she asked pointedly.

"No ma'am."

She beamed. _Think good-little-doggie thoughts, Bella. Good doggie._

"Good. Now, I've told Rosalie and Alice to do the same thing, and they're filling out their applications upstairs. If you'd come in earlier, you'd have had first pick," she said, glaring at them. With that, she stomped dramatically out of the room.

Pale and wide-eyed, the two boys watched her exit, then they slumped down in their chairs.

Sighing deeply, Emmett asked quietly, "What was _that?_"

Edward shook his head. "I dunno."

After sharing a glance, they went to work shuffling through the stack of applications.

* * *

"I can't decide between salon and garage," said Rosalie, her voice muffled from under Emmett's jeep. "I know they're total opposites, but they're both really tempting. I mean, I'm so good at both, right?"

Alice and I nodded mutely. "What do you think Alice?" Rose asked.

"Hmm..." said Alice thoughtfully. "Well, if you take the salon job, people'll probably spend more time looking at you than the mirror, which could be good or bad for business. The garage one would be more fun, though."

"Yeah," I agreed, "Probably." _Well, for someone who knows the difference between CDR Valves and an anti-freeze compartment...not me._

"Yeah," sighed Alice. "I don't think Edward'll be very happy with his new job. Emmett either, actually." Rosalie stopped tinkering; she pushed herself out from under the jeep, wiping her hands on an oily rag. Jeez, even with oil smudged all over her face she was drop-dead gorgeous (no vampire-pun intended.)

"Really?" _Oh yes, definitely blackmail material...I could see the mental cogs a'turning._

"Yup," said Alice.

"And what jobs would those be?" Even _I _was curious by now; well, okay, it doesn't really take that much to make me curious, not in this house.

Alice looked offended. "Hello? Does 'Patient Confidentiality' mean anything to you?" Rose snorted.

"What patients?"

Alice flopped down on the yellow, somewhat oily, couch in the corner of the garage. "Everyone," she said disinterestedly. "To me, you're all lab rats, just waiting to be corrupted and experimented on." she picked up a magazine and threw us a quick glance. "No offense."

"None taken," I said blankly. Rose and I exchanged one of those _o-kaaay _looks--you know, the one that you see from everyone, several times a day here in the Cullen residence--and went back to work; Rose tinkering and me handing her tools, which had been labeled so I would know what she was asking for.

"What about you, Alice?" I asked. "What are you applying for?

Alice's eyes gleamed from over the top of her magazine, _Psychic Weekly. _"You'll see."

I raised my eyebrows as she went back to her article. _I don't even want to know._

"What about you, Bella?" asked Rose from under the jeep. "Charlie making you get a summer job?"

I smirked. "No; actually, I got a job on my _own, _thank you."

"Really?" she asked, interested. "And what would that be?"

"I'm working at Mike's parents' sporting goods store; just helping out with sales and such."

"Ooh," she said, "Edward's not gonna like that."

"Well, he'll just have to suck it up," I grumbled, blushing slightly; we all knew how much Edward and Mike despised each other.

* * *

Authors Note: Hmmm...what are the Cullen's mystery jobs?


	3. Road Trip

Summer With the Cullens  
By Holly-Batali

Disclaimer: Anything you recognize, I don't own it. I'm just borrowing without permission...as usual.

A/N: Okay, just thought I'd say this: I'm not quite sure if I'll do the other Cullen seasons stories; I read Breaking Dawn and it kind of ruined it for me. So if I don't finish the series, blame SM, not me. Good.

Chapter 3: Road Trip

"You're touching me again," mumbled Rosalie angrily.

"Sor_ry _Miss Priss," mumbled Alice, rather nastily, I might add.

"Both of you _can it!_" Well, at least Emmett is good for shutting people up.

"_She started it!_" both girls hissed venomously (and yes, I do mean that quite literally).

Scratch the 'shutting people up' part.

Rosalie squealed. "Esme! Jasper's on my side!"

"ALL OF YOU SHUT UP!" Roared Esme from the passenger seat, clutching the road map so tightly that it was ripping. _Now _there _is a woman who can shut people up._

"Sorry Mom," everyone muttered. Even Carlisle looked a little cowed, even though he wasn't doing anything. Slouching down in the driver's seat, he tried to look as inconspicuous as possible.

"Good," said Esme in a deceptively sweet voice, turning back to her map. "Take a right on Exit 227," she muttered to Carlisle.

"Yes dear," he said wisely, still slumped in the drivers seat.

"Turn here," she said, pointing to Carlisle's left..

He obligingly turned, following all the directions she gave, which were rapid fire. I gave up trying to keep up with them and concentrated on the whispered drama going on in the backseats.

"You're still on my side," hissed Rosalie venomously to her 'twin'.

"Am not," Jasper taunted her, pushing a finger just over the line in the seat. "Oh, look at that, I _am. Whoops._" He pulled it back as Rosalie made a snatch for it. He repeated this several times, and Emmett and Edward held back helpless laughter as Rosalie fell for the bait time and again.

I had to look out the window to keep from getting caught laughing; Rosalie would not take kindly to it, and I wasn't immortal, so I'd rather _not _take the chance of getting my arm ripped off. Just a weird personal preference.

"Rose, relax," Emmett snorted. "Just ignore him."

"No!" she squealed quietly. "He's on _my side. _You think I'm gonna let him get away with it? Uh-uh, think again--stop that!" she smacked Jasper's hand as he began pushing the property lines again.

"Make me," he quipped, sticking his tongue out at her.

"Don't make me rip that outta your mouth," she threatened, pointing a finger at him and narrowing her eyes.

"Bite me," he retaliated.

"THAT'S IT!" Roared Rosalie, diving at Jasper in a snarling heap of blondness.

Edward and Alice reached back from the middle seats to try and help Emmett pull the two vampires apart. They were fighting so hard that the car was starting to rock back and forth, upsetting traffic. Horns blared and Carlisle had to pull over.

"HEY!" roared Esme from the front seat, whipping around so fast that her seat belt snapped. "DON'T MAKE ME COME BACK THERE YOU TWO!" Emmett and Edward succeeded in pulling apart their two bickering siblings, and were currently restraining them.

"Alice," said Carlisle hesitantly, not wanting Esme to turn her wrath in his direction. "I want you to switch seats with Jasper. And Rosalie...you...be good, young lady. Your mother and I are very disappointed." He looked in Esme's direction; she nodded. "That's right," Carlisle finished, waiting for a moment for the seat changes before pulling back into traffic.

I sighed and leaned back into my seat, staring at the ceiling of the car as I contemplated why I agreed to come along in the first place.

When Edward had told me of Esme's idea to go for a road trip, it had sounded like a good idea. 'Fun' even.

Oh, but hindsight is a beautiful thing.

Alice had easily convinced Charlie to let me come, and then we were off to see the great US, with a side trip into Alaska for a picnic or two with the Denali coven. We were going to the cities where each Cullen had lived (excepting Carlisle, of course), which included New York, Chicago, Knoxville, Biloxi, and some town in Texas I'd never heard of. Oh boy.

This was 'family bonding' and 'human culture' that would be useful to each of the Cullen kids (and to me, I was assured). It would give us time to 'bond together as a family'.

Oh yes. This was going to be _lots _of fun.

* * *

A/N: Short, yes, but it's what I've got right now. I'm sorry for slacking so much, but I'll finish it now, I promise! I just got a little sidetracked with NaNoWriMo and all. Review please! Especially since it's my one-year anniversary for writing/posting fanfic today (will that get you to review?)

You guys rock! ;)


	4. Five, Seven, Five

Summer With the Cullens  
By Holly-Batali

Disclaimer: Okay, seriously. I DO NOT OWN Twilight. That goes to Stephenie Meyer; I just get to torture the characters with their own stupidity. Which is pretty fun.

Chapter 4: Five-Seven-Five

"All right...hm, let's see."

"Hurry up, Rose!"

"I _am _hurrying, Edward; shut up and let me think, will you?"

"Rosalie! Don't talk to your brother that way!"

"Sorry Esme."

"Yeah, well, you _better _be."

Rosalie and I rolled our eyes at each other. We were finishing up our last hour of driving for the first day; we'd be pulling up into a hotel in Milwaukee soon. Of course, a hotel wasn't really necessary, since I'm the only one who could actually sleep, but Esme _insisted. _She said it was 'part of the experience'. In my opinion, she just wanted some peace, quiet, and personal space. _And maybe a can of mace._

_Hey, that rhymes._

The eight of us had used up every game we could think of, and had just added 'Twenty Questions' to the pile of discards. After all, Edward could just rip the answer out of you head, Alice would just 'predict' it, and Jasper would just guilt you into lying about it.

"Let's play something else," suggested Edward, quickly picking up on my moodiness via Jasper, the emotional antenna. How could I tell this?

His eye was twitching.

Dead giveaway (no pun intended).

"Like what?" asked Rosalie. "I Spy? Done it. Speed Talking?" (I hate that game; I always lose), "Ditto. The 'Quiet Game'?" (air quotes), "Did that too."

"What about Philosophical Questions?" asked Emmett eagerly. "Like..." he looked around for inspiration, his eyes lighting on the woods outside. "If an armadillo attacks in the forest, does anyone invite it to tea?" he crooned triumphantly.

We all stared at him with cynical, somewhat disbelieving, expressions.

"Cream and sugar."

We all turned to Jasper, who had spoken such random words.

"What?" asked Edward.

"That's the answer," said Jasper with a straight face. (It should be noted that the thing I envy most about vampires is their ability to keep up good poker faces.)

Alice snorted, rolling her eyes. "Cream and sugar?"

"It could have been forty-two," Jasper defended.

"Hm..." said Emmett. Then he said, in what I assume he thought was a poetic voice:

_"Armadillo  
It curls in a ball,  
And makes strange noises at night.  
I like to eat it."_

"Haiku?" snickered Rosalie.

"Yup," said Emmett proudly. "Soul of a poet, that's me."

"Hm..." said Rose. (This seems to be the way everything starts in the Cullen family; 'hm'.)

_"Credit Cards  
I love credit cards.  
They make a beautiful sound,  
When the cashier 'swipes.'"_

We all laughed uproariously, even Rose.

"Ooh," said Alice, jumping up and down in her seat. "I've got one, I've got one! Okay," she cleared her throat.

_"Alice Knows Best," _(snickering all around)  
_"I always know best,  
Don't you try and deny it,  
I saw that coming."_

The car was ringing with laughing and squealing now.

"You do one, Carlisle," urged Emmett.

"Oh, alright," agreed the doctor, smiling. "Let's see...

_"New Equipment  
Pristine syringes  
And wonderful stethoscopes.  
Shiny new scalpel."_

"Esme, have a go!" he laughed.

_"Family," _she said, enunciating carefully.  
_"Family is great,  
But sometimes they drives me nuts;  
Like they do right now."_

But she was smiling (sort of) when she said it, so we felt safe enough to laugh, which made her smile even wider.

"You go, Bella," she said.

_Oh crap._

"Um...

_"Rain," _I said lamely, picking the first thing that came to mind; I heard snickers and glared.  
_"I hate rain, really," _I started, counting syllables on my fingers.  
_"It's cold, and wet, and stupid.  
It should go and die."_

Everyone howled with laughter; I blushed. "You next," I said, elbowing Edward; gently, so I didn't break my arm or something.

He scrunched up his face (it was pretty cute), trying to think of something stupid.

_"Pianos  
I like pianos.  
There are white keys and black ones.  
They make pretty noises."_

"Go on, Jazz," urged Edward, nudging his brother with his foot. "Your turn."

_"Blood," _started Jasper. Everyone fell silent.  
_"Blood, blood, blood, blood, blood," _said Jasper, staring at the car's ceiling as he ticked off syllables on his fingers.  
_"Blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood,  
Blood, blood, blood, blood blood._

"Hm," he said. "Did I leave anything out?"

"Sheer poetry," said Emmett, shaking his head admiringly.

"You _know _it," agreed Jasper, leaning back in his seat and putting his hands behind his head.

He looked so smug, and so serious, and it was just so _funny, _that we all erupted in laughter. We couldn't help it.

* * *

A/N: You know, this chapter started as that philosophical question; I said that randomly to my mom, and then came up with the Haiku about armadillo's. I said to my mom, "Hah! _Nobody _can beat me at stupidity. Top _that!_" Well, review and let me know what you think!


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